Letters To My Children: My Heart Runneth Over

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

- Elizabeth Stone

Dear Moo and JJ,

When it comes to parenting, no truer words have ever been spoken.  Seeing those double pink lines was nothing short of lifechanging.  Moo, when I found out I was going to be a mom for the first time, I was a bag of mixed emotions.  If I could go back in time and give twenty-two year old me some advice, it would be to relax and enjoy the journey.

But as I stared at that counter full of positive pregnancy tests, I couldn't help but be terrified that I was going to screw this motherhood gig up.  You see once the initial wave of shock/surprise wears off and it finally hits you that there's a life growing inside of you that you're going to be responsible, fear kind of paralyzes you for a little bit.  Your mind starts to think of all the things that could wrong.  One of the happiest days of my life will forever be the day we finally met face to face- your birthday!

Your birth was peaceful, serene and near perfect minus the allergic reactions I had to the pain medications and the long labor (22 hours).  You came into this world so quiet, they thought something was medically wrong because they couldn't get you cry or open your mouth so that they could suction it out.  Eventually, you let a couple of wails.  They placed you on my chest and you got quiet again.  It was looking into your eyes for that first time that I knew all my fears had been for nothing.  It was like you were silently telling me, "You've got this, Mom!" 

JJ, when I first found out you were growing inside of me, my first thought was how do I show him that he loved too?  I can't speak for other moms, but my biggest fear about having a second child was that you'd end up feeling like you were second best.  There were plenty of nights and stolen moments during the day that I would talk to you while you were in my womb and I'd always make sure to tell you that I loved you.

Your birth was quick and fast.  You came a whole three weeks early.  That should have been my sign that you were going to end up being an endless ball of energy and motion.  Like your sister, you made your debut without a cry.  Your little legs were just a flailing a though.  It was almost like you were quietly trying to kick-fight your way to me.

That first snuggle with you holding onto my finger, I knew that I could never love you any less than I already loved your sister.  In many ways, you are my miracle baby.  There was a time when we thought you were going to come much too soon and have to fight for your life.  God had His angels looking out and you stayed put until you were nice and healthy.

Because of you two, my life will never be the same.  It more meaning purpose.  Because of you two, I work harder to set a good example.  As children, you're impressionable and quick to imitate my every move.  Because of you two my heart runneth over. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

XOXO,

Mommy

Letters To My Children is a monthly letter series hosted by LaShawn from Everyday Eyecandy.  Click on over to Mommy Talk Show and read Joyce's letter to her handsome little guy!