I really contemplated not getting out of the bed today. I wanted it to pass by in blur. And if I had one of those magical remotes like Adam Sandler, I would totally fast forward tomorrow, maybe even next month. It's been five years today since heaven called her home, And although the cloud of depression has lifted a little bit, the pain still lingers and feels fresher than ever. I'm trying to focus on the good things like how blessed I was to have a second mom, but it's hard when my mind is consumed with her absence.
You know there's a difference between love and unconditional love. She was one of the very people in my life to give me the latter of the two. She accepted me for who I was and never made me feel like I needed to change that. She was a great listener and made a mean chef salad! She loved without judgement and that's probably what I miss the most.
It feels unfair that my kids don't get to make memories with her, that she didn't get to meet JJ. Sure, I can tell them stories, but stories are just a substitute. They'll never know what her voice sounded like or see how awesome she was at throwing down on the grill during family cookouts.
As I continue to grieve the loss of a woman, who impacted my life in a way that I can't put into words, I'm grateful to have had her in my life not only as an aunt, but a mother. I'm grateful for the time she took with me and the words of wisdom she shared with me. I'm grateful for my memories and the fact that she's always with me.
What are you giving thanks for today?