It's 2:07 AM and I should be well asleep by now, but I'm not. Instead, I'm up enjoying this quiet I get watch my children sleep. Why? Well, today is Moo's big preschool screening and it's hitting me (again) just how fast she and her brother have grown up on me these last two years. Literally, I don't know where the time went.
I'm thankful that she's so excited to heading in a few hours to test her way into school. Her passion and yearning for knowledge makes my heart swell with pride. Yes, some of that desire is just built into her, but some of it also comes from the fact that I started talking to her about education since the age of two! I took it step forward by reading her books, getting her educational toys, taking her to my nieces' school on several occasions and so much more.
Whether she gets into preschool or not I am proud of the job I have done thus far. She knows her full name, the names of her family members, the city she lives in, her age, her colors, her shapes, her alphabet, her numbers, how to write most of her letters and numbers and even a little Spanish. It's in my reflecting on this that I find hope to come to terms with all the challenge I have going on with JJ and getting him to speak.
I feel reaffirmed as not just a good mom but a great teacher and educator. I know that it's only a matter of time before we burst through this wall with JJ's verbal skills. Just today he started saying the words 'come' and 'go.' I know some people will say that's not much for a two year old, but for me and seeing how he regressed in his speech earlier this year it brings me tears of great joy and semi-relief.
These last few months, I've been going through hell in my mind wonder if I did something wrong that caused him to stop progressing in his speech to begin with. But now I have renewed hope and proof that I'm in fact doing something right! And I know I can't take all the credit. God is definitely steering the wheel and opening up lanes on this front.
I can start to let go of the frustration that I have been carrying around over having been a paid tutor and educator who helped kids with learning disabilities go from making F's to getting on the all A's honor roll, but not even being able to get my son to speech a lick of understandable English. What I'm going through right now is the stuff you won't read about in some of these motherhood/parenting books, blogs or magazines. And if you do read about it, they try to keep as rainbows and puppy dog tails as possible. They don't keep real or keep it ugly as I refer to these situations often.
However, I'm not those people. And I'm thankful everyday for the opportunity to write and share my life struggles in motherhood, my marriage and everything in between with you guys. If it wasn't for the fact that one of my siblings had a learning disability and I wasn't there everyday watching and helping them to overcome that learning disability, I would feel so much more unprepared than I do now.
But I know there is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and we will reach it some day! For now, I'm thankful for these quiet moments in which my struggles with motherhood don't outweigh my successes in my mind. I'm winning this battle one day at a time.
What are you most thankful for this week?