Invisible Mommy - YUMMommy

Invisible Mommy

We've been going to storytime at our local library for almost three months now.  The first few times we went, we were the only Black family there.  Heck, we were the only minority family there.  As I have mentioned before, we live in a predominantly White neighborhood.  So, I already knew what to expect.

Having grown up in a predominantly White town, I was often the only the Black student in my honors and AP classes.  Being the sole minority of a group doesn't really bother me.  What has been bothering me is the fact that other moms are clearly not comfortable with having my kids and I in their mist.  And this is sad because our storytime group has since grown and there is another Black family that comes too.

I feel like the Invisible Mommy when other Black family isn't there because none of the other ladies have so much as tried to say hi.  And yes, I have spoken first.  I know that racism is alive and well but for goodness sake people it's 2012.  I'm not buying into that whole 'maybe they've never seen Black people before' crap.



And honestly, it wouldn't bother me so but this week something happened that had me seeing red and ready to throw some elbows.  After storytime the routine is that we all hang out in the play area and let the kids get their energy out.  Well, this week when we went to the play area that were a few other moms and a dad there.  Three of the four families were White and one was Hispanic.

Now, Moo is very outgoing and loves to play.  So, she took off for the play area ready to have fun and play with the other kids.  I decided to grab some books for us to read later off a bookshelf directly in front of the play area.  Moo joins me and says sadly, "They won't play with me."  By they she meant the White kids.

I ask her if she asked them to play she says yes but they wouldn't speak to her.  I'm starting to get pissed.  Why?  Well, for months she and those other girls have been playing together with no problems.  And now they won't even talk to her?  I tell her to go play puzzles with some girls that are sitting at one of the tables.

Their mom promptly instructs them that they're about to leave and they do. At this point, Moo is sad because she has nobody to play with.  And I'm pissed to hell and about ready to make a scene right in the middle of the play area.

My kids are my life!  It's one thing if you don't want to chum it up with me, I have friends already.  However, you're schooling your kids on how to be rude and ignorant towards my daughter, hurting her feelings is not okay.  Those girls were her friends until this week. I'm just beyond disappointed that anybody could act like this.

The silver lining is that the Hispanic kids came to play with her and the other Black mom showed up with her kids once the mean mommies cleared out.  So, she did get to play and she made a new friend.  Now, I'm debating in my mind if I need to confront the other moms about their rudeness or just keep moving.  I'm leaning more towards keeping it moving because it could get nasty and I don't like to expose my kids to conflict.

Have you ever experienced racism before in family setting?

14 comments

  1. I know this happens...parents are going to act ignorant and so do their kids. As a soon to be mom I worry and stress about talking to my child about the world in which we live and that there are some unkind people! Glad Moo had some friends to play with!

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    1. That was my biggest fear becoming a mom. It just sucks that she has to experience this at such a young age though but like you said she had other friends there who were willing to play with her.

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  2. I live in the south, so I've seen it plenty of times. I think it's pretty lame and SO 1950s, but you can't fix ignorance.

    To answer your question, no, don't confront them. Don't give them the satisfaction. Instead, kill them with kindness. Lots of it. Which kills two birds with one stone as it shows your little Moo how you're SUPPOSED to act with people, and to never let ignorance bother her.

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    1. Thanks Gerri! You're right. I'm going to kill them with kindness and encourage Moo to do the same.

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  3. Ugh! Things like this makes my blood boil. I know it happens -- even in a diverse place like NYC it happens. It's just sad, especially since we're teaching kids to hate/dislike at such a young age and before they even know what they like. Sigh. Like Gerri said, though, you can't fix ignorance.

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    1. Yes, it is very sad. Thank goodness we had break last week because we were down at my mom's. Tomorrow we're going to kill them with kindness though. All I can do is pray for them and let God fix them.

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  4. I hate when this happens. Kids are so open and loving. It is wrong to contaminiate a beautiful mind with the beginnings of racism and hatred.

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    1. My thoughts exactly. They are doing their children a grave disservice. With the population becoming more diverse there really is no room for racism anymore. It's just sad to see that some people refuse to let that mindset go.

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  5. I got upset reading this and I'm not even involved, so I can imagine how you felt. As much as I want to say the wrong thing, I'm going to have to go with killing them with kindness. It's a great lesson to teach your baby girl and unfortunately she has to learn so early what ignorance looks like.

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    1. Thanks. That is exactly what we plan to do.

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  6. Wow, I'm so sorry Moo had to go through this. It is sad. I see it too in my neighborhood. My community has now become mainly Hacidic. They will walk in the street to avoid you. It is sad my daughter has no one to play with unless we go outside of the neighborhood.

    I hope this situation gets better. It is sad when parents teach their kids stupid behavior.

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    1. Wow, they really walk in the street?! Now, that's just taking it to whole different level. It's truly sad that with the population being as diverse as it you still have people who act like this. It's even worst that those same people are from our generation too.

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  7. Awww dang. Yes it is 2012, but I'm afraid camaraderie has backslidden in the last four years and it is REALLY ashame. Since I am from the south, and a town that will not remove the confederate flag from the State House grounds, nothing really surprises me. I am glad to see in your follow up post that things were better. My prayer has always been not react to it because some people aren't going to change and it is always my prayer that my son sees diversity as beautiful and never feels or experiences any of the things that I have.

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    1. I agree! And I think that it has a lot do with Obama being president. I think a lot of ignorant people didn't believe he would actually have a shot at winning. So, when he did they all came out the woodwork and have been out every since acting a straight donkey!

      However, I'm determined to make sure that my kids know better. I'm teaching them to love people for who they are on the inside and not for who they are on the outside.

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