As I write this, it's a little after 1 AM and while I know that should be sleeping because the kids will be up bright and early, I can't sleep. Ever since my high (not from drugs) from earlier yesterday, has got me thinking. I've been talking these few moments of quietness while my little ones sleep to dig deep and ask myself what do I want to do with my life?
Seriously, this is a question I have been pondering for quite some time now. And as I approach my 26th birthday, I can't help but wonder why I haven't figured this out yet? Or better yet why aren't I doing it? Yes, I love blogging and freelancing every now and again but I can't help but to feel like there's some bigger picture. There has to be.
I've been chasing my calling for years it seems. And for years it seems to keep eluding me like a thief. When I look back on my life, I don't want to have regrets when it comes to this area. More importantly, I don't want to look back and wonder if the example I set for my kids in this area was a good one. Being a stay at home mom has been blessing, especially with Moo and her many allergies.
However, it's not enough. I don't feel complete. I feel like something's missing. And because of that I feel like I'm chasing the impossible. I thought I had my life all mapped out. Well, I did have it all mapped out but then I went off course. Things changed. Heck, I changed.
So, having pondered this until I'm quite honestly pondered out, I've come to this conclusion:
My calling is to help others. At the end of the day, nothing gives me more joy (except motherhood) than helping others. I think the fact that growing up so many people stepped up for me, now I want to return the good karma to the universe by doing the same.
I want to make a difference on a bigger scale but now I just have to figure out how.