I'm Still Me - YUMMommy

I'm Still Me

If you've been reading my blog from the beginning then you know that I started off as a single mom almost a year ago.  Well, since then I've reconnected with my daughter's father and we decided to put all the bull behind us and get married.  I have to admit that being married seems to have changed our relationship for the better.  There's no doubt that I love married life and being legally bonded to the man who has helped me to be  blessed with soon to be two wonderful children.  He's always been supportive of me pursuing my dreams, getting an education and having a life of my own outside of us.

However, while marriage has been great for my relationship with my husband, it seems to have taken a tole on some of my friendships.  Before, I got married and I was just a single mom and even before I got pregnant, some of my girlfriends used to call me and want to hang out all the time.  We all babies back to back. Seriously, I was the first to get preggers and then a few months later my bestie got preggers and a few months after that some of our other friends got pregnant.  Our moms and male friends joked that it must have been something in the water. LOL. They might have been right!!

Anyways, we all seemed to somehow stay connected even  after I moved almost two hours away to my hometown.  We were constantly calling each other, texting each other and writing on each other's Facebook walls.  We exchanged pictures of the kids via text.  And being the old soul that I am, I made sure to mail out cards for all the holidays and even just send them letters for the sake of just keeping them updated on other stuff that had been going but that I hadn't wanted to mention over the Internet.

So, when I decided to move back to the Queen City, I was thrilled because just about all of us would be in the same city again.  I imagined playdates with all of the kids, mommy afternoons at the nail shop or the mall, joint parties for the holidays, etc.  However, what I noticed when I announced that the hubby and I had eloped was a decrease in phone calls, hardly any text messages or posts on my Facebook wall.  And even though we all live within 30 to 45 minutes of each other, they always seemed too busy to come visit or for me to visit with them.  Then, I got preggers again and was on lock down because of my severe morning sickness. So, of course I couldn't exactly go to visit them because just riding in the car more than a few minutes made me almost vomit.

I felt like I had been exiled!  And with my bestie in Philly, I became in more engrossed in my blog and Twitter friendships that were forming.  It still wasn't the same as having my girlfriends who lived in the same city as me to hang out with though.  I finally came to the conclusion that they figured marriage had changed me.  Not the case, I'm still ME!!  Granted somethings have changed like I have to make sure the hubby doesn't have plans for us before I commit to going places on his days off, but otherwise nothing has changed about me.

Our college days


I still like going to nail shop when I can.  I still like going to the mall. I still like just kicking it with the girls while the kids play and we catch up on some gossip.  So, why can't they see that?  It almost feels like I suppose to choose between the love of my life or my friends.  I have to admit that this past weekend one of my girlfriends did come by to visit and we're making progress on trying to get back to the interaction we had before.  It felt awkward at first because honestly I didn't know what to talk to her about because we hadn't really talked in so long, but eventually fell back into the swing of things.  Before she left we vowed to keep in touch and visit each other more so that the kids could get used to each other.

The bestie & I in NYC


However, I've realized that maybe it's time for me to expand my friend base.  I signed Moo and I up for a local mom & playgroup on Meetup.com and I have to say those women have welcomed us with open arms.  We went to our first meetup this past Tuesday and it felt good to be surrounded by other moms who weren't judging me or writing me off because I was married.  I bonded with a few of them right away and am looking forward to future meetups.  Moo didn't quite warm up so easily but that's because she's been an only child for two years now and is used to playing by herself or with me.  However, that is another plus of having joined this group.

She'll get to interact with kids her age and learn how to socialize on a toddler level and I'll finally get some female company that I have been craving.  Listening to some of the other moms talk, I know that I'm not alone in having had friendships suffer because of my change in status.   I'm thankful for my God seems to have shown me and led me to a better situation.  After all life is a lot more fun when you've got girlfriends you can call and text or just hit the mall with.  And it's even nicer when those girlfriends know that you're still you even though your status has changed.

So, have you encountered any strains on your friendships due to motherhood, marriage, career advancements, etc?  If so how did you deal with it?



7 comments

  1. I think that marriage and motherhood always have the potential to change the friendships in your life. Some people will not join you in that part of your life, but I think it's ok. I think that the friendships that are grounded will be sustained and the rest were good while they lasted. Good luck with the play group and finding a supportive group for yourself.

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  2. @Steve-Thanks for visiting.

    @mrstdj-You're right some friendships are only for a season and I guess this is my season to move forward and make new friends to suit my new lifestyle.

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  3. I totally agree with @mrstdj and @Elizabeth your statement is so true...some friendships are only for a season! Some people can't handle change! I'm happy for you that you joined a play group, now maybe you'll find friends that you have something in common with!

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  4. @Pinky-Thanks!! I'm looking forward to making some new friendships as well. The playgroup was a good move for me & Moo.

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  5. While reading your post I couldn't help but think back to when I first got married. When I was a single mother I had close friends who were single moms too! They I met my husband and when we got engaged I noticed that they changed. They were all in the wedding but after I came back from my honeymoon they all started acting very very different toward me and one by one the friendships ended. It made we wonder if I had changed and in a way I guess I had, I wasn't single anymore but as you said I was STILL ME! Looking back each one of those friendships helped me to appreciate the true friendships I have today! I am glad you have found a group of supportive women! As we mature so must our relationships!

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  6. @Nikki-You are so right. I'm glad that my friendships are maturing. It's always painful when you lose friends that you have had for years over something so abstract, but I guess it's life.

    I'm appreciating the friendships that I still have and the new ones I'm making with the ladies in my playgroup a lot more.

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