Well, I'm back from another mini-vacay. It's not that I didn't want to blog, but just that I've been so moody lately it's been hard to get my thoughts together. Yes, the mood swings and emotional rollercoaster have already started. However, after a week's stay with my lovely mommy, I am sane again. My mom knows me like the back of her hand almost. So, it only made sense that she would know I was struggling with all the changes regarding my pregnancy.
Since, finding out I was pregnant, I have been struggling a little bit coming to terms with the fact that I'm having a second baby already. And the constant morning sickness is not helping. At times, I feel so helpless over all the changes that are going on inside my body. I just wish I had some say over it. A control freak, I know. However, sitting and talking with my mom helped me to put things into perspective.
This baby is a blessing. Although, this pregnancy wasn't suppose to go down for another two years (maybe three) it's happening now and I need to appreciate the fact that I can produce life. There are so many women out there who can't have kids and here I am pouting because the time isn't right. Newsflash, there is no right timing unless you're rich and even then the timing may not be right. God would not have given me this responsibility if He knew I couldn't handle it.
I am a great mommy to Moo. So, why am I worried about what kind of mommy I will be to this baby? I have no doubt that I will love both my kids equally no matter what. Getting out the house will require more time and planning once the new baby is here, but I'm up for the challenge. I can accept that responsibility. I'm determine that having two young kids isn't a death sentence like a few people have tried to make it seem.
I've already started hearing "Girl, you're really going to be tied down now" and "What you going to do with two kids?" What the hell you think I'm going to do with two kids? I'm going to continue living my life and pursuing my goals and dreams. It'll take some planning and a lot of help outside of me and my husband, but I can do anything that anybody else without kids can do. This is not the end of my life but the beginning of a new and more adventurous chapter.
My mom also helped me come to terms with the fact that I am not my baby bump. "You're not wearing that are you?," she asked me on my third day at home. Honestly, I had given up on trying to look fashionable and had just focused on comfort. I'm two months and two weeks but I look like I'm five or six months already thanks to my tumor that grows as the baby grows. And maternity pants don't exactly look flattering on me. So, I'd rather wear regular jeans two sizes bigger and put on a belt to hold them up.
However, as my mom pointed out they're not exactly figure flattering either. I end up with extra material in the crouch and butt area. Not sexy at all. "You're a fashion major," she reminded me as she opened up her closet. Yes, my mom was getting ready to dress me like I was five years old again. After a few changes, some added bling and new shoes, I looked and felt like a new woman. I didn't feel pregnant and that was great.
"You wear the pregnancy, not the pregnancy wearing you," my mom told me as I checked out my final outfit in the mirror. She's right. As soon as my baby bump started showing, I started dressing down. And that's just not me. I'm the woman who owes hardly any flats and was wearing four inch heels to my baby shower at 8 months and wearing them well I must say. The only time I will ever refer to myself as a girly girl is when it comes to my fashion.
I'm all about heels with cute patterns and textures, dresses and jeans that fit my curves right and brightly colored tops. Let's not start on my handbag collection. LOL. Well, it's the same way with this new body that I have. I have to take the time to find clothes that still represent who I am, but compliment and showcase my growing belly. So, Sunday my baby sister gave me one of her knit baby doll dresses to wear and it looked great.
I loved that it hugged my little big belly snugly but wasn't tight. A pair of thick brown tights and studded brown flats completed my look. It was perfcet pregnant fashionista church wear. I could tell that people weren't just checking out my belly but my dress as well. I got several 'oh that dress looks cute on you' looks and it made me glow. When we went to visit my aunts afterwards they even noticed how nice I looked in the dress.
And although, I wish I could just build up a collection of cute knit dresses to wear my remaining 6 and a half months, I'm excited about going shopping for some maternity pants with my mom on Black Friday. I heard that the Belk near my hometown has some great maternity wear on sale and will be even more discounted for Black Friday. So, while everybody else is fighting over computers and tvs we'll be shopping peacefully in the maternity section.
I'm just thankful to have a wonderful family who is taking the time to build me up during this emotional and shakey time in my life. Their small tasks and acts of love and sincere compassion just reminds of why I love them and miss them. I love my family even though we don't always agree. I wouldn't trade them for the world (some of my cousins I might) and I'm looking forwards to heading back down for Thanksgiving to enjoy more time with them.